Unexpected

It was yesterday that i was still planning for a big surprise for Valentine's Day. Little did i expect these to happen, at all.

You simply can't answer my questions and the only thing you wanted was to put down the phone, you claim that you don't feel like talking bout it. I ask you what is the reason and you tell me 'no reason'. Whatever i said, you just kept saying that you want to put down the phone.

Such a simple question and it takes you forever to answer me, sometimes you cant even answer me after thinking for a very long time. What are you trying to hide? What are you up to? I think you fucking are cheating on me, which is well, not up to me. But the very least you could do is to tell me, that you want somebody else. Or if you are not, then tell me what are you doing?

Things are just not the same anymore. I used to tell you that i was afraid that our 'honeymoon period' will be over and that things might start to change after that, and you said that there'll be no such thing as a honeymoon period for us because things will never change, it will only get better.

What a lie. Everything is starting to change or already changing now. I know you are busy with your work and you have datelines for submission. So do i! Whenever i complain bout the time you can never have for me and that your work seems much more important to you, you scolded me. You asked me if i would be happy if you quit school and then spend all your time with me.

And whenever i ask you why are you so slow in doing you work, it upsets you. You said you are trying to speed up, but your trying trying never seems to make a difference in you having time for me or not. I don't understand why all these is happening at all. You used to always tell me that i am more important than your work, then how come you don't seemed to be walking the talk?

I value a man with absolute honesty, is that you?

How can you run away from problems like that, when you were the one who taught me that i shouldn't and that it should be solved immediately. How can you say you love me when you don't want to talk to me? How do you want me to understand you when you keep everything to yourself?

Why can your ex-girlfriend, Wenling, controlled you and manipulated you like you said she did, but i cant even talk to you when you say you love me much much more, in fact, the most and the only one you love now?

I was afraid to let it all go because i loved you so much and i can't imagine a life without you. Now, everything that you do is pushing me away from you and i know i can't make you happy. I don't know how to cheer you up when you are down, i don't know what you really want and i don't even know how to stop upsetting you even though i very much want to make you happy.
You are tired, tired, tired most of the time. Is there anything i can do? To let you sleep maybe? So.... If you sleep when i'm with you and you spend your time doing other stuffs when i'm away, it means we don't get to communicate or talk right? I'm not saying you cant, but at least you can give me some respect and attention by maing effort to talk to me about stuffs, and that doesn't include the times you repeat bout how tired you are.

I want a closure. I want my questions answered. I want my doubts cleared.
Do you want all that?

Don't cry,sweetie!

PEA! If you remember that this is you i am talking about, cheer up!
You know you will always always have me, so don't be a silly pie okay?

*HUG

Thanks for telling me how you feel and i am so sorry to have neglected you, it was truly not intentional and if only i have the luxury of time, i would gladly and love to hang out with you EVERYDAY! But you know you have to work on weekends and we never seemed to be free on the same time of the day.

It's no excuse of course, you are in my mind, my heart and you will always be part of my life till the very last moments.
I love laughing with you, hanging out or just talking. Just like you are thankful to have me, the same works for me.

I've got no complains for a friend like you, i can trust you and tell you my little secrets and i know in my heart that you will always stand by me, no matter what. Precious people like you don't come by easy for me and i will even let you chip my freshly painted nails!

Meet up real soon and be a happy baby.
Love love!

p.s. get well soon, pains my heart for you to be sick.

This is it.

I feel completely restrained now, i requested for something and i got the answer that i never thought i would have coming from that someone. It is not so much about the rejection that disappoint me and makes me feel utterly restless today but the very fact that i thought i could always go over if i need the space.

Yeah, nothing is done so far and no photoshoots.
Do you really think sorry helps, or at least a little bit? I think, not.
You know how small my freaking table is, i don't even have the floor space to work on and how warm my room is when there is no rain. You think i can do anything bout that, huh? Do you think i want things this way?

CAN YOU STOP BEING IRRITATING?! CAN YOU STOP IT WITH THE PHOTOSHOOT WHEN I AM TALKING BOUT THE WORKSPACE THAT I NEED THAT I DON'T HAVE AT HOME?

I WOULD'VE FREAKING DONE PART OF MY WORK OR MEET MY FRIENDS THE PAST FEW DAYS IF IT ISN'T FOR THE VERY FACT THAT I WANT TO HELP YOU.

ARGH!
Lesson learnt.

Happy New Year 2007!

Sunday was nice, Earl and i went to Vivocity for the second time, only that this time we stayed and have fun unlike the other time where we headed out of it almost immediately after we arrived. It was fun taking pictures and having good food as well!

Tried Bakerzinn for the very first time and it was awesome.
Only that the dessert we had was very disappointing and it sort of spoiled the meal. BLARGH!

Picture of us looking happy. Teeheehee.

We went to several places for photoshoot after that and it was all nice.

Anyway, it was fun hanging out like old times.
It's been awhile that we had so much fun.

Ooh oh HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!
May all the good things come into your life and i freaking do well in whatever that i do!
Let's do good and fight bitches!
WHOOOOHOOOO~!

I have to go get started with my work now, been procrastinating for the past few days/weeks. Going to take photos later as well, hope that i get all the good shots in a very short time.

AHH! I almost forgot, i bought a juicy bag yesterday, it is such a steal! Wait till i take pictures of it, i'll post it up here to show off.. LOL! Jk.. The true intention is to make myself feel good, afterall it's my blog and i feel like it. Yippee!
Got To Go! *zooooooom~~


If only there was a gun whose trigger i could pull, that would put my to sleep and let me wake up right next to you.

I just feel like it

I am too tired now and am going to retire soon.
So yeah, I'll just post some pictures from the evening of Christmas eve and the KTV at Partyworld.

Heaps of fun but super tired at the end of the day and i don't even have the appetite to eat supper at simpang bedok. How very rare! The Mediterranean food looks so good i want to try it so much, i want to go back!


I was wearing a new top on that day, i totally dig the fluffed up hem, that is probably the only reason why i bought it. Anyway, i got Christmas pressies for most people and i glad that whoever received it already, loved it.

Baby got me this very pretty purse by Ripcurl, slightly vintage, it is made from leather and the brown looks so good.

He is here today to accompany me today since i am running a fever.
My bones are aching, how terrible.
I love him, for all the things he have done for me.

Alright matey, have a good night.

Sudden random thoughts *wink*

My dad is the greatest man on Earth!
For many many reasons, i love him so much.
I will not leave him alone when he is old and i will try my best to be there for him when he wants me to. Being a man that values privacy, he gives me all the privacy i can possibly get. There was this year where my most hateful aunt found my dairy, and shoved it in front of him for me to read because i wrote bad things about her and my many crushes in high school. He didn't read it, he told my aunt it is my privacy.

How sweet is that! i was only 13 at that time and totally in shocked because i was only a kid and at that age, i never had so much respect from someone. In a way, that made me respect him so much. In my family, respect is not shown through the way we talk. But how we show care and concern indirectly to each other, it is kind of subtle but if you look deep enough, nothing is quite as sweet as how it works.

For this Christmas, I pray for health for my entire family tree, Earl and his family, all the friends that kept me close to them because they matter so much to me.

I am going for a last minute Christmas shopping later and hopefully, i can get good deals.
Super cite' up now!
Lastly, Merry Christmas to all! (just in case i don get to say it)

Love ya. Spread the love, not aids. Use a condom.
Teeheehee.

Used to be's

You know how it feels when it is late and then you feel lonely and then you start to think bout things that happened in the past.

i feel that way now.
It was really fun, i do not regret any shit i did as well.
Well, without them, i wouldn't be who i am now either.




























































It will never be the same again, but it's okay.
We all have better tomorrows though tomorrow might not be one of those.
Good night earth.

Change.

My heart is on fire yet cold.
I am hugely affected but i don't wanna be bothered.
Tears used to flow, it just turned into hatred now.
Why should i be affected, why should i care?

You asked for forgiveness, and another, and another.
I wait longer, and longer, and longer.
But you never changed.

我很想你

当和你快乐的在一起的那段美好时光。
现在我们以已往是有大大的差异，
美好时光也已变成没好时光。

亲爱的你，
一定感觉非常快活，应为也只有我痛苦，你才会觉得痛快。
我爱死你了， 但我也看得见自己的未来会应爱你而死。是好是坏由不得我决定。命运公公老是爱拿我来开玩笑，不过老天爷也不会对我们人类太缠任，你说是吗？
真想回到从前， 回到那段轰轰烈烈的爱，回到我脑海中的美满恋情。
为何你不再给我那种飘飘得感觉，为何你不再会为我紧张。是我们的角色对换了吗，还是我在你心目中的意义已不纯在了。

从没感到一点点的疑撼，只是渴望的比这一切都多了许多。

我爱你。
请你也爱我吧。

You just said 'No, thank you'

I feel hopeless this time.
Not getting a grip of myself.

Hanging by the moment, guess that is what the is feeling now.
Am i confused or is it you?
I couldn't decipher your actions and the many things you didn't do to make me stay. I wasn't the type who sit and wait, so why am i like that so suddenly?

I've lost the many many things that you weren't happy with me before.
This time around, are we still the same?
Do we still love with the same capacity of passion?
Do the love we both share still mean anything to you?

Should i keep giving in?
What is right and what is wrong?

Look at me baby, so full of confusions.
I've always thought love makes things simpler but i know i am wrong now.
This love makes me feel otherwise now.

What is happening to you baby?
Have you made up your mind on me in your heart?
Are you not happy together with me?
Is that anything that i have done wrong?
How can i make things better for you baby?

Every time i ask you if you are alright, your reply to me will always be, ' baby, I'm okay.'
To me, that alone is not sufficient to ease my worries. Although i certainly want you to be okay, that is for sure.

I don't enjoy being hung by the moment.
Knowing where am standing is of a great importance to me.
I stopped hoping for this or that, i know i wouldn't be able take the blow.

Baby, tell me i am wrong. Talk to me.

FRESH and HAPPY!

Coz' of the fact that my laptop is now fresh and new with it being reformatted. I just reinstalled all the anti-virus softwares and most of the softwares required.

I'll be back with pictures tomorrow.
Satisfaction guaranteed!

SO excited! *skips*

Experimental SUSHI!

Why am i not surprised that we didnt wake up in the early morning to go grocery shopping? Our meeting time had been dragged till about 12.30pm, such is the spirits of two person who have been slacking their entire holidays away.

Oh well, all is good. We successfully made some delicious sushi, despite burning a pot. We didnt burn it, we burnt it. As usual, the mom(not mine!) keeps yakking away. Of how we should do this and that, that and this. Yada yada, you get the drift. I am sorry for ruin the pot but knowing she is the way she is, i kind of don't feel sorry anymore.

Somebody please tell me i am mean.
Anyway, lesson learnt. Most people don't get along with the mom of their boyfriends or mother-in-laws, i don't wanna be special in this case.

-

I got a text from Frog that one of the class that we would be having this is cancelled. Only am glad that it is Design in Context of all the subject. For this coming semester, i am not in for skipping class. Some things never change, i still hate classes by Mo-peng.

-

I have a crush on someone all over again. <3

What lack of sleep can do to you

Normally it makes me feel grouchy. It is going to be different today.

There is this weird aftertaste in my mouth now after eating sardine straight from the can, much influenced by Kittylene.

Now she is telling me that Grohl loves her because of her cat eyes. Getting high on showing me pictures of Grohl and her, his gig and exchanging recipes.

I figured i am rather old at heart. Tsk.
Why am i gossiping my night away and much more than that, i am exchanging recipes with Kittylene! i mean look at her, you will never believe she can cook. Sad to say, she knows more than me. *blush*

Kittylene just came up with an self-introduction for herself, haha :
"i am kittylene. i wanted to be cupcake but was denied. i am 18, insecure and short. i love sushi, strawberry lipsmackers and i'm an oxymoron."

She is trying to force me to blog about how much i love her
(prove!)
Âñgëå-sugar™: hmmm says:
i am trying to blog now
`Âñgëå-sugar™: hmmm says:
but nothing is in my head
The possibility of fixed stars. says:
hahaha talk abt how u love kittylene
The possibility of fixed stars. says:
hahahahhaa

Kittylene is at the moment entertaining herself with pictures of girls online with huge boobies. I have no idea what else to say about her, so this topic about her is over. =p

-

Going for grocery shopping with Earl in the early morning. We are going to TRY to make sushi. My idea actually, i am craving for sushi so badly so i figured why not let us try making it on our own.

Even if it turns out like crap, i will still be loved very much.
It's amazing how love works isn't it?
*big wide grin*

Holiday is only getting better, now i dont want it to end.
All the fuckwits in school. So fucking full of shit.

The seductions of slumberland is ringing in my head now, i have to go get it,
Excuse me.

I will never forget...

...the host at the all-lesbian birthday party last night. It was quite an unpleasant experience and one of the worst parties i have had ever been to.

Yes, it was her birthday and she have all the right in the world to want to be the limelight of the night. Nothing wrong about that. Well, in my opinion, one doesn't have to ignore others just to gain all the attention.

I was convinced to go there by Pea, so was Berry.
Reason being that the host is Pea's best friend and she want me to meet her very much.
Most people judge people by first impressions, i am no different from them. Although i know that i am in no position to judge because i am not perfect, never was, never going to be.

It was my first time seeing the birthday host last night. It could be because we don't even know each other at all or there isn't even any reason to talk, or rather, pretend to talk. I have no idea. Apparently, Berry have met the host on a several occasions and her attitude towards Berry had always been as unfriendly as always.

You know how some girls just think they are the most important 'thing' in the world? Nothing else matters but them alone. They don't care about feelings or their image or what people say. Not because they are confident, but because they feel generally insecure.

I know how it is like because i have been there, it is not a good feeling to experience. Stuffs just happens and everything happens for a reason. Good luck to her.

That is how i see it, you don't have to agree with it.

-

Didn't managed to meet up with P today. I feel semi-bad about it.
I traded the time i promised P, to be with Earl.
Without a doubt, i was happy today. We caught the movie, 'The Departed' today. A very good movie indeed, love it!

It is really not a bad feeling to agree to disagree now and i am happy that we are able to come to a conclusion that we should both let go of our ego and pride to give in to each other sometimes.

People change, we both did it for the better.

On a weird note

Woke up feeling wide awake and it is not something that happens all the time, at least not in a long while. You know, i am not complaining, but i am definately feeling rather strange that it is that way it is.

Suddenly it came to my mind that i have an appointment with P tommorow. Which also means that i have to go meet my dad today because tomorrow i will be too busy having fun.

I feel like i need a getaway, a short trip somewhere, somewhere not too far away but far enough for me to feel that i am on a holiday. I am happy where i am and with what i am doing now, but i know i always crave for something a little more than all this.

Perhaps it was in my dreams, without reality and the cold hard facts of life.
*shrugs*

-

Anyway, it is a good feeling to start this all over with everyone anonymous. I am allowed to say whatever i want with no serious consequences. OOH! I'm loving this.

Eyebrow maintainence

Speaking of which, mine really needs some care and attention now. They are as bushy as can be! Have to wait till i get my allowance. Oh gosh..

I crave for Dome brekkie now.

Let's hope i will get a taste of it soon.
*dramatic sigh*

School better start soon, i kinda miss having to rush for datelines, i know i am crazy. Yes, i know i know. But.. Just bring it!! The results i got only made me want to work harder, for the better.

I look forward to seeing you babe, all the good ol' times. So much fun! Now, look who's binging now. MUAHAHAHA! 5 curry puffs, you really win babe. The thought of it makes me wanna puke.

AHA!

So simple you have to love it.
*spanks Earl*

Gambling with possibilities

I am feeling extremely worried for her.

If only she is aware of the risk she is taking, if only she is aware of what came up in the papers today, if only she is still aware of the past. If only she remembers what she had taught me when i was younger.

My heart hopes for the best for her, and that she has a limit to the things she is doing now.